i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I just sucked dick on a ferry
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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