i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
