Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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