I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Randomize
