it was like eating out sand paper
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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