just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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