Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
