it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
my shit smells like andre
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
