3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
