looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
my poor anus
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
