If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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