Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
