Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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