shes about as inviting as chlamydia
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
