I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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