You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
