very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
