Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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