You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
