She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Randomize
