Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
porn star boner night. come get it.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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