So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Randomize
