Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
