you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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