So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
The struggles of a small town man whore
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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