before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
