Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
