So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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