I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
