probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
