Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
