reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
they're like a gay fantastic four
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
