Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize