did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
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