Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
If I die, sorry about rent.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
