so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
