mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize