My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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