seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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