this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
