her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
