I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
