Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
