i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
