Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
