Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
