I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
