I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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