just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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