1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
