Apparently you make a good broom.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
