maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Drunk is a universal language darling
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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