Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
