so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
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