Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
