I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
