Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
