I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
