You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
