I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
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