Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
