making cat noises will not fix the situation.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
