I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
