I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Randomize
