I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
