I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
