i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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