we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Randomize
