i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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