so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
