Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
