I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
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