my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize