i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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