Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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