I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
