Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
