He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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