I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
