The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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