in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
