Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Please don't give away my fajitas
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
