I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
