4 words: hood of his car
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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