wrigley field is MILF paradise
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
