escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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