May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
