i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
