1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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