If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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